The Attitude Behind Femininity

Within the past fifteen days, my friend Lindsey and I have spoken three times on the subject of biblical womanhood. The first time, for all we knew, we were about to step on the toes of three hundred teenage girls. I expected to be greeted by bewildered audience members and alienated attendees. Perhaps they would even throw tomatoes. To my shock, nothing was farther from the truth.

At the conclusion of Lindsey’s first speaking session on femininity, several girls approached us. “Grace,” a single mom, explained in tears that she finally understood how God could use her family as a beacon for the Gospel. “Bethany” told of how her relatives had ostracized her, assuming that she was mentally challenged for aspiring one day to be a wife and mother.

This was the response I was least expecting. To ears accustomed to feminism, Biblical femininity can sound like legalistic babbling from the Victorian era. Any home involvement, submission to parents, aspirations for motherhood, or admiration for womanhood causes many to scream “oppression!”

Yet there weren’t any screams or tomato volleys. Surprisingly, the responses we received were wide-eyed, grinning girls shaking our hands, exclaiming how delighted they were to find they were not the only ones who secretly longed to know the purpose of their femininity. They expressed the same sentiments we felt—that there was a drought of available resources on what it means to be a woman by God’s design.

In the Christianish sub-culture where so many of us live, fashionable ideologies and political trends carry more weight than they probably should; and in days of female pastors, gay and lesbian priests, and “two mommy” families, the issue of Biblical “gender roles” has been caution taped as strictly taboo. The stereotype says that only backwoods, woman-hating preachers thump their Bibles about male/female differences.

As a result, we don’t know who we are.

Rarer than an understanding of manhood and womanhood is an application drawn out for teens and singles. Conservatively raised girls may know something about the calling of motherhood, but what does Biblical womanhood look like in the life of an (obviously unmarried) 14-year-old girl?

The unique problem we have here is that the Bible doesn’t address teenagers. A gap between adulthood and childhood didn’t exist in previous centuries, and the betrothal of 13-year-olds in ancient Israel wasn’t uncommon. Little is then said in Scripture to unmarried young folks, simply because they didn’t stay that way for long.

For this reason, there is only one hard and fast rule we can hold to absolutely for femininity. In 1 Corinthians, Paul gives one appeal to unmarried women: “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

Girls have one goal set before them: undistracted devotion. It’s the one non-negotiable point of femininity; a passion for Jesus and His glory is the foundation and final reward of true womanhood.

But this begs a question—how is seeking after Christ a feminine thing? Isn’t that something guys should also be doing? Shouldn’t undistracted devotion be a trademark of Christ-centered masculinity as well?

I love what Elisabeth Elliot famously wrote in Let Me Be A Woman: “We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.”

The starting place for Biblical femininity is when our eyes widen in recognition that God deserves to be obeyed—and His design is based on a wider vision and wisdom than we may ever fully understand. Accepting what it means to be a girl by God’s design doesn’t mean that we’re admitting inequality with the male gender. Rather, we’re realizing the obvious truth that shouts at us through basic biology and whenever we hear guys discussing “man points”: Men and women are different.

How, then, should girls live out their differences? What unique callings has God bestowed directly to women? Well, funny you should ask. We all know of the “ideal woman” in Proverbs 31, whose hard-working hands and servant’s heart her husband is able to unreservedly trust. Titus 2 also elaborates a little more on the standard for femininity—telling young married women to be pure and nurturers of the home. Again, we seem left with a gap for the single gal. What’s a girl to do?

Common sense tells us that if you’re planning on an occupation, you’ve got to train for it. Want to be a heart surgeon? I recommend applying for medical school. Plan to become a journalist? Don’t forget to learn to read. Preparation is key for any task—and no less for motherhood or keeping the home.

Biblical womanhood doesn’t begin upon marriage or motherhood. The heart of womanhood begins now—as we seek to serve where we’re planted. Whether you’re still in highschool or launching out of college, the heart of femininity should not be neglected. A love for the home, the family, and service is something we must continue to nurture in ourselves or it will become dormant.

As an outgrowth of wanting “to secure undistracted devotion” to the Lord, recognize the power of the home as a beacon for the Gospel. Work to be hospitable. Honor your parents; it’s something God commands you to do and it prepares you for the job of getting along with your future husband. Love the little kids God places around you. Brothers, sisters, neighbors, nieces, nephews—they’re lives worth investing in.

And more than anything else, chase hard after a Christ-centered vision. He’s the One who made us feminine in the first place; only He can show us how to best live it out.

Written by Hannah Farver. For more articles and thoughts from Hannah, check out her blog Beauty From The Heart.